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Testimonies Written by Meri Kennedy
To the Rhode Island General Assemblies of the House and Senate
RI General Assembly - Senate
First, I apologize for not being her today to speak directly to you. I have had a knee injury and will be going in for surgery soon. Yet, Senator Doyle has agreed to read the following statement on my behalf.
Some of you may already know me. I am a freelance reporter and columnist with the Cranston Herald. For the past month, I have appeared as a guest on the Helen Glover Show, and I am a published author on recovering from childhood sexual abuse and rape.
My abuse began in my own household by my oldest brother. I was a victim before I even entered Kindergarten. His sexual abuse, including penetration, continued for years. I knew what “sex” was before I knew the alphabet or my times tables.
As you consider Jessica’s Law, I want you all to place yourself in my shoes. Shut your eyes while you listen. You are a child being raped and you are afraid to scream or cry out for help. You are scared. You are alone. You are hurt and broken.
As I wrote in my book, “My Enemy, Myself” let me describe to you what it is like to be a young child who is sexually abused...here is an excerpt
“He was on top of me. I could feel his hands up my nightgown. A simple sleep gown my Nana had made. ‘Be quiet ’he said or I will tell mom and dad you are out of bed.’ I did not want to get in trouble. I shut my eyes and he lay on top of me. Stroking my thighs as he rubbed himself on me. I cried. But I was quiet. Dead quiet. When I would look up and open my eyes, all I saw were the dead bugs in the light fixture above the bed.”.
That is what sexual abuse feels like to a child. It hurts. It hurts as an adult as well when you are attacked my flashbacks, nightmares, and are afraid to trust those around you. I have served a life sentence for his crime, and the crimes of others.all I am asking iss to pass Jessica’s Law, which mandates a sentence of 25 years, for those who hurt a child in the most hideous way a child could be hurt.
My oldest brother’s sexual abuse stopped by the time I reached age 8. Following him was an elderly neighbor who trapped me in his office one day and molested me. Next, I was brought to a local church by the “nice man” who cut lawns in the neighborhood in Cranston and was fondled in the pews. At the age of 12, I became the “girlfriend” of a prominent RI Attorney who was twenty years older then I was. At the age of 13 I was raped by a stranger. There were more. Many more. Just as sexual offenders DO RE-OFFEND, victims are often re-victimized. Our defenses are killed off by the first unwanted and intruding touch of a sexual abuser. I felt shame, fear, anger, and broken.
Our laws are broken here in Rhode Island. My abuse occurred in the 1970’s. There was neither Megan’s Law nor any form of Jessica’s Law. Please remember that these two laws which adhere most too sexual offenders and predators are named after two little girls who are no longer with us. They were murdered after they were abused.
In many ways, I was murdered. A part of me was killed. The innocence of childhood was taken away from me. I livedyes, but many times I wished I were dead. My abuse began at age 3, and now at age 43, I still am serving my lifetime sentence of being a victim.
Your vote in support of the passage of Jessica’s Law today, will be a victory for victims and children throughout our State of Rhode Island.
RI General Assembly - House
Thank you for letting me speak to you today about the importance and the need for Jessica’s Law in Rhode Island.
Unfortunately, odds have it that I am not the only victim of sexual abuse in this room today. A majority of you know someone who has been a victim.
Yet, I truly do not like the word victim, so I will choose to use the word survivor today. For that is what I have done in my life. I have survived. To the outside world, I did well in my life. Career, family, active community volunteer. Yet my inside world has been pure devastation for nearly forty years.
Some of you may have known me during my tenure with the Cranston Chamber of Commerce, where for three of the ten years, I served as Executive Director. Others may know me as a columnist and feature writer for The Cranston Herald.
You most likely will not find many abuse survivors coming forward, even in this day and age. It took me years to be able to speak about what I had gone through. I have just gone public, perhaps in the most public way, by writing and publishing my first book, “My Enemy, Myself”. In this book I recount the abuse and my recovery. I was sexually abused by my oldest brother, molested by a neighbor, and later raped by another man all before the age of 16.
Often times, once a victim of sexual abuse, leaves you vulnerable to other attacks. Just as there are repeated abusers, there are repeated victims. You freeze up, you can not defend yourself and you constantly remember the words, “never tell”.
For years I was told by my abusers to never tell. My abuse, molestation and rape, all by separate men, occurred in the 1970’s. It was a time when it was taboo and the abused often felt that they were on trial. I never told, I never prosecuted, I was only a little girl. Yet I have served a life sentence from the aftermath of sexual abuse.
I won’t recount all the details here today. How I would count the dead bugs in the light fixture above my oldest brother’s bed while he was abusing me. How I would later cut myself day after day, month after month and year after year in order to release the pain I felt deep inside. How I would battle depression for years, Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome and managed to survive several suicide attempts. There was no punishment for my oldest brother, so I punished myself.
I will tell you today why I know Rhode Island needs Jessica’s Law. If we do not pass it this year, you will be sentencing others like me, instead of the abusers themselves. We must send a message to all abusers that in Rhode Island, children come first.
I never felt that I cam first. Back then, I don’t think I felt anything.
Mandatory sentencing is the only option. I can not imagine a reason not to pass Jessica’s Law in Rhode Island. Any opposition to the passage of this law will allow the further destruction of any victim, or survivor, and enable abusers to re-abuse within our own community.
Victims of sexual abuse, like myself, will feel the blame and the shame for most of their lives. If you do not pass mandatory sentencing, you will only enhance those feelings.
You will make the victim feel less worthy as a human being. That their abuse did not matter. That it was okay for them to be abused. Failing to pass this law will further abuse the victim.
I am sure you will agree, that is not a community that we want to raise our children in.
Today, I can speak as a survivor. Why would a victim come forward if he or she knows that their abuser may be out of prison before they even complete therapy? What messages will Rhode Island send to those who have been abused.that we do not matter?
Failure to pass Jessica’s Law will further sentence other victims in our State. They already will have to face years of therapy and will be in much need of support. Why allow them to have to face their abuser being released from prison too early? Too soon?
You can’t heal from abuse when you are in constant fear of your abuser.
My book was already in production prior to this resolution being introduced. Yet timing, I guess, is everything. If you want to see what it is like to be abused and to recover from abuse, read my book. If you want to be sure that abusers are sentenced properly, pass this resolution.
Timing. That is what this is all about. It is my time to tell. It is your time to act by passing this important law for the safety of our community and our children.
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